Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
