I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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