I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
