whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
