I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
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