I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
