he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize