There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
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