She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
