tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Randomize
