so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
