im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
