eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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