im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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