I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
