the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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