I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
