The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Randomize
