Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
