Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
