I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Randomize
