Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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