so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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