Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
