I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
