I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
