Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
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