im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
