Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Randomize
