he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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