Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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