when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
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