Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
It's official drugs can't kill me
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
