my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
