so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
