office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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