Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
