he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
