Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
