Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
