i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
you had me at cake vodka
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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