If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I want to be your penis for a week.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
