i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Randomize