I heard we made out
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Rumble strips road head = magical
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
