Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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