The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
