I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
