when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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