So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Church boner. Awkwardddd
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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