meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Randomize
