Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Randomize
