He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
