Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
