just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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