I need help removing her.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
