i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
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