I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
