Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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