Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
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