I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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