Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
my sisters under your porch take her home
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Randomize
