you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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