Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
