Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
