Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
