I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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