If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
