he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
and i looked up. we had an audience...
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
