the day after is always just damage control
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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