If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
