Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Randomize
