We named our party play list daddy issues
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
