i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
