why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Randomize
